pallets

There's been a lot of consolation in my life right now, whether I am willing to accept it or not, whether I am able to comprehend it or not.

I just have these unsettling feelings sometimes, and sometimes I wonder how people can be so certain of something so completely beyond any of our understandings.

And sometimes I wonder how to take in the consolation.

I feel like it is is always an easy resort, an immediate comfort, when someone passes away, to say that they're in a better place. And I don't say this to question or doubt God's indescribable might.

But, sometimes, I feel like people are deceived. Because in all truth, where is the line drawn between fact and hope?

When our friend Will passed away, I became infuriated when someone would say "Well, God has already determined his destination." When everyone who was listening knew that the person was sugarcoating his actual thought..."I really think this kid went to hell."

What am I supposed to think now? As I sat at the funeral and I listened to his former youth pastor speak....at times I felt like the youth pastor was forcing himself to believe himself when he said "I know he's in a better place."

Why have I continually been walking around with the unsettling feeling?

I visited Will's grave today, to see the new addition.

It had been cloudy all day. I drove my car over to see it right after I got off of work. I parked. And made my way to him.

As I stood over the addition of his grave, I began to read it and observe the pictures that captured him.

And suddenly, as my eyes continued to race across the display, I noticed faded streaks of color that swept across the deep grey.

I fixed my eyes on the colors, only to realize that a rainbow reflected perfectly over his name.

I looked up in the sky and couldn't find the rainbow, when I looked back down, the reflection was still there.

I glanced up one more time to look thoroughly, and sure enough. A glimpse of the arch of a rainbow was visible.

I looked back down and laughed and all I could think about was God's promise.

He never leaves us.

And while I continued to stare at the streak of color on the deep grey, I thought, that perhaps this was the consolation I had been searching for.

Taking a deep breath, I laid down to close my eyes toward the sky and to fill my lungs with all the things I couldn't comprehend, and to simultaneously feel the joy in the greatness of God.

However, only continuing to take in small doses of the consolation.

Because, sometimes, that's all I can ever do.

And while God is sufficient. My own two feet make me stumble.

Perhaps that was it. Perhaps the faded color over the grey pallet was a further restoration.

And comfort.

the gardener.

Occasionally I am baffled, at the occasional, complaint "well, there goes millions more of OUR money."

Especially when it is pertaining to the betterment of others.

However, I think to myself, what is OUR money and what does it ENTITLE us to?

I applaud the stability of America, we are blessed with a democracy that truly works, where individuals are a key asset to how things are carried out. And this alone already makes us privileged.
And I don't think we're just privileged for the sake of the betterment of ourselves.
Sometimes I think we are so far out of line when it comes down to the entanglement of our society's standards, or rather the own standards we ourselves place on us thoroughly on the fact of who we are lead to believe we are as a nation.

Who even said that the limitations our society(mainly ourselves) placed on us meant that the "boundaries" that were built as a result determined what we could and couldn't do?

That privilege doesn't entitle us to ourselves, we're stable for a reason and it doesn't revolve around the walls of our state or even our nation.

Jesus' love is supposed to surpass ALL of our boundaries.

I know that every generation proclaims something that they feel like collectively they're good at.

And when I have literally witnessed 10s of thousands, 100s of thousands of young people coming together all over to world to show that WE truly care about each other, despite where we are from, I know we are doing something right, I know we are doing something beyond ourselves. We know and we embrace the truth that comes with equality and worthiness. And that is something that our generation is good at. Not just knowing, but carrying out the truth that we are no more valuable then anyone else.
Something that our generation is getting right is that Jesus' love does infact surpass all of our boundaries and beyond.

I am appauld to continually hear people say we need to do more here. What? What do we need to do, how much more can we better ourselves, how much more power can we contain before it's too much?

There is a great deal of respect that I have towards the work that has been put forth towards our country, and towards various systems, but when did that mean we were only entitled to ourselves?

It is our selfish motives that we are breaking. Which to me doesn't mean irresponsibly doing things. It's not about being fiscal with our money.

But when you object to the betterment of others with or without the knowledge that there are things in the states that we fuel with way too much money or the notion that we need to take care of ourselves first. I cannot feel anything towards you but heartache.

And I am not saying all of this to shuffle towards the thought that we need to pump all of our money towards everyone else. That is the last thing I am implying.

I am just saying.
How can the complaint be valid when it is purely tied around selfish motives?

There are a lot of things we got right, but there are a lot of things we got and continue to get wrong. And there are a lot of things that we get right and continue to get right.

There is always room for improvement in the fact that we are they and they are we.

We are the salt.

And we have responsibilities.

इ वों'टी बे लेट.

sometimes you just have to ask me questions.

and i've realized that i'll always be there to answer them.


i've began to learn a couple things about myself these past 2 months.
i have this new incredibly strong desire to meet people and hear their stories.
if i begin to get comfortable with someone, i've started to see that i slide my heart right around them and often times i get away with it.

but people start asking me questions now. deep, intimate questions, and i start handing them my heart.

what i've taken away from this is that it makes me cringe when i feel like someone isn't listening. but, when someone asks me a question my cringing drifts and i begin to speak.

i think i'm continually clutching onto this vulnerability of mine, and sometimes it makes my heart ache when it's not with the people that know me inside and out.


perhaps that's a part of it.

Hoppípolla

my life goal:


to continually find the common good in others and embrace it.

because. everyone is incredible.

"just go out and get it."

what's your story?

harsh weather, sleeping on the floor, and the thought of no food doesn't stop the motivation to keep on going.

i came here expecting to starve and was only amazed at the hospitality here.

it is true to say that what you experience and all that you do can never be fully celebrated unless your laughter, tears, and smiles are collaborating with others.

i am humbled. i am touched. i am so incredibly grateful.

i wish the entire world could have seen this and shared this.

it is good to know that there are those of us who are here who are the fire-starters. who cherish an unspoken promise to do all that they can for others.

i wish you could have been here with us. all of you.

i can't fully express all of this or i may brake the keyboard with a flood of tears streaming down my face.

community. desire. rhythm. perseverance. persistency. humility. laughter. love. respect. integrity. friends. family. friendship.

we never complained. we slept out on the concrete for 11 days because we all knew that this is how it ends.

we were here in oklahoma city to end the longest running war in africa, who would have thought?

as people began to trust us and respect us, they came to ask us questions, they came to bring us food, they came to bring us joy and laughter. and they came to join us.

i can't even put this entire thing into words. i am out of words, i don't know which ones to use.

i have never been a part of such a loving community.

we came here because we promised those kids that we would never leave them. that we would stand by them. that we would be their voices. we came to stomp over the limitations our society places on us. things that are out of reach are reachable when you reach for them. when you reach really. really far for them.

we came to show those kids that they are worth it and that there are people here who care very deeply for them.
we came to love them and to love each other.

we sang. we danced. we laughed. we cried. we hugged. we became exhausted and found fuel in others who helped bring us joy.

we all have these insane stories. we all have this opened door that continually leads us to even more open doors. we can all do something.

we can do it with love. respect. and integrity.

we have all of this love to pass on because we were loved first.

after holding original former child soldier drawings in my hands. tears strolled down my face as a child drew his mother being chopped up. and when i dried my tears, they only started again when i saw a child's drawing that was completely smeared because he wept as he conveyed his story.

these children are real. and this has been going on for 24 years.
and we closed our eyes for so long.

now that they are open and they continue to open. we can never close them.
we can never separate ourselves from loving one another.

we did it. we did it. and we are not finished.

as jordan, liz, and i heard the news that senator coburn had released his hold while we were speaking at a college, we rushed back to everyone to celebrate.

we ran out of the car before it rolled into a complete stop. tears strolling down my face in happiness and laughter, i felt proud as i sank down in hugs. we did it.

as we talked with coburn on the phone. he told us thank you.
for being so respectful and peaceful.
for doing this the right way.
for making him feel pressured to find a compromise.

we finally did it.

and the lra bill is now passing unanimously in the senate.

it took so long to get here and we did it.

now it's time for some representatives to get on board.

i can only pull away from this campaign knowing that people are so absolutely, incredibly wonderful when given the chance.

people bring you joy and it fuels you.

and you can do it. we can all do it.

we just did it.

we all want peace.

so. just go out and get it.