Wednesday, July 7, 2010


There's been a lot of consolation in my life right now, whether I am willing to accept it or not, whether I am able to comprehend it or not.

I just have these unsettling feelings sometimes, and sometimes I wonder how people can be so certain of something so completely beyond any of our understandings.

And sometimes I wonder how to take in the consolation.

I feel like it is is always an easy resort, an immediate comfort, when someone passes away, to say that they're in a better place. And I don't say this to question or doubt God's indescribable might.

But, sometimes, I feel like people are deceived. Because in all truth, where is the line drawn between fact and hope?

When our friend Will passed away, I became infuriated when someone would say "Well, God has already determined his destination." When everyone who was listening knew that the person was sugarcoating his actual thought..."I really think this kid went to hell."

What am I supposed to think now? As I sat at the funeral and I listened to his former youth pastor times I felt like the youth pastor was forcing himself to believe himself when he said "I know he's in a better place."

Why have I continually been walking around with the unsettling feeling?
I visited Will's grave today, to see the new addition.

It had been cloudy all day. I drove my car over to see it right after I got off of work. I parked. And made my way to him.
As I stood over the addition of his grave, I began to read it and observe the pictures that captured him.

And suddenly, as my eyes continued to race across the display, I noticed faded streaks of color that swept across the deep grey.

I fixed my eyes on the colors, only to realize that a rainbow reflected perfectly over his name.

I looked up in the sky and couldn't find the rainbow, when I looked back down, the reflection was still there.

I glanced up one more time to look thoroughly, and sure enough. A glimpse of the arch of a rainbow was visible.

I looked back down and laughed and all I could think about was God's promise.

He never leaves us.

And while I continued to stare at the streak of color on the deep grey, I thought, that perhaps this was the consolation I had been searching for.

Taking a deep breath, I laid down to close my eyes toward the sky and to fill my lungs with all the things I couldn't comprehend, and to simultaneously feel the joy in the greatness of God.

However, only continuing to take in small doses of the consolation.

Because, sometimes, that's all I can ever do.

And while God is sufficient. My own two feet make me stumble.

Perhaps that was it. Perhaps the faded color over the grey pallet was a further restoration.

And comfort.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

the gardener.

Occasionally I am baffled, at the occasional, complaint "well, there goes millions more of OUR money."

Especially when it is pertaining to the betterment of others.

However, I think to myself, what is OUR money and what does it ENTITLE us to?

I applaud the stability of America, we are blessed with a democracy that truly works, where individuals are a key asset to how things are carried out. And this alone already makes us privileged.
And I don't think we're just privileged for the sake of the betterment of ourselves.
Sometimes I think we are so far out of line when it comes down to the entanglement of our society's standards, or rather the own standards we ourselves place on us thoroughly on the fact of who we are lead to believe we are as a nation.

Who even said that the limitations our society(mainly ourselves) placed on us meant that the "boundaries" that were built as a result determined what we could and couldn't do?

That privilege doesn't entitle us to ourselves, we're stable for a reason and it doesn't revolve around the walls of our state or even our nation.

Jesus' love is supposed to surpass ALL of our boundaries.

I know that every generation proclaims something that they feel like collectively they're good at.

And when I have literally witnessed 10s of thousands, 100s of thousands of young people coming together all over to world to show that WE truly care about each other, despite where we are from, I know we are doing something right, I know we are doing something beyond ourselves. We know and we embrace the truth that comes with equality and worthiness. And that is something that our generation is good at. Not just knowing, but carrying out the truth that we are no more valuable then anyone else.
Something that our generation is getting right is that Jesus' love does infact surpass all of our boundaries and beyond.

I am appauld to continually hear people say we need to do more here. What? What do we need to do, how much more can we better ourselves, how much more power can we contain before it's too much?

There is a great deal of respect that I have towards the work that has been put forth towards our country, and towards various systems, but when did that mean we were only entitled to ourselves?

It is our selfish motives that we are breaking. Which to me doesn't mean irresponsibly doing things. It's not about being fiscal with our money.

But when you object to the betterment of others with or without the knowledge that there are things in the states that we fuel with way too much money or the notion that we need to take care of ourselves first. I cannot feel anything towards you but heartache.

And I am not saying all of this to shuffle towards the thought that we need to pump all of our money towards everyone else. That is the last thing I am implying.

I am just saying.
How can the complaint be valid when it is purely tied around selfish motives?

There are a lot of things we got right, but there are a lot of things we got and continue to get wrong. And there are a lot of things that we get right and continue to get right.

There is always room for improvement in the fact that we are they and they are we.

We are the salt.

And we have responsibilities.