2011+The New Year: "Here it is-such a little story to have made so deep a wound."

    Yesterday marked the first day of the 2012 year and as I was drifting to sleep last night I had a flood of memories and richness that created my 2011 year of life. So, today I sat down and scribbled my thoughts on 2011 out on a piece of paper and thought I'd transfer it to my blog.

     I have always been fascinated by time; the growth of it, the power of it, the aging of it.

    This past year of my life has been the richest I have come to know. There will never be enough paper, enough words to capture the immense depth and beauty of it. 

    Working for Invisible Children, in my opinion, one of the most effective social justice organizations and learning how to step down from that mountain top has been the most character-building, belief-pondering, confidence-endearing thing God provided me breath and a capacity for.  It will never, for as long as I live, be shaken from who I am. It is forever a part of my entire being.

    Within 2011 I learned so much about my mind, my heart, even this soul of mine. I was consistently pushed passed my exhaustion, carried through even when I felt insecure about who I was and what a then 19 year old could accomplish. But, once I believed that not another soul in this life could extend God's love the specific way I can through my heart--- I realized I couldn't limit what was to be offered by me. I have never reflected so much, changed so much, loved so much, and let others love me so much than in 2011. I shared a story across this country that roughly, within a year reached nearly a million individuals--a million more individuals who are now aware of Kony's reign of terror. A million more individuals who have fundraised millions of dollars to end a tragedy that has killed and abducted 10s of thousands and displaced millions.

    2011 had its share of heartache, but the way that pierces the soul in such a profound way, is something I will never fully understand. January 1st 2011 marked the 2nd year of Will's passing, July 11th marked the year of Nate's passing...and although I never met Nate I cannot even articulate the amount of life change he brought to me as I toured his story across this country. July 18th marked the year of Chris' passing. and December 15th is the afternoon that Dustin's life was taken by a man who then took his own life.

    As much as you can ache from an absence of a friend, of a life, of a particular character, of a particular being who can spread laughter and smiles. There is this overwhelming amount of comfort knowing that a Heavenly Father's embrace is what we are all in pursuit after, whether we acknowledge it or not. 

    "He/she was taken too soon or too young" is an irrelevant statement; in every circumstance. However, you truly have to digest that reality. What keeps me sane is knowing that there is no such thing as a life lived too short. And although it breaks me sometimes, to the point where I can no longer see where to clutch onto the Lord, something saves my crumbling soul. It is the truth and beauty knowing that I will never fully know, feel, nor understand how much my Heavenly Father loves me while I am walking on this earth. And although death stings because I forget this knowledge, there is something far beyond my comprehension knowing that my friends were taken home by the One who supplied them with their first breath and the One who said come Home

    That will one day happen to me and to you. Until then, give all of you. Because you, my friend, cannot be reproduced. So, live like it.

    Life is so precious. People are so significant and worth it. And I would never change the friends that surround me. They are friends who are constantly blowing my mind with their vast amount of beauty, knowledge, courage, drive, and wisdom. 

    And so now it is 2012. And now I am 20. A new year and a new age, with new markings. Another year of love, laughter, knowledge, growth, embracing flaws, and just being a human. Fully flawed and fully capable of extending grace to others at the same time. What a year this will be.

    Here's to living life, breathing in its beauties and the things I will never fully know but that I still enjoy. 

    What a gift.

Peer Across. Gaze.

One thing I know:

There is so much beauty that stretches across this world that is woven together.

Why not continue to chase after it? Why not embrace it? Why not greet it?

Beloved Visitor

I still have a lot of reading to do before classes start in the morning, but I was reading a book that's required for one of my classes...and it simply threw out this "Beloved Visitor," and I couldn't stop my mind from wandering.

Therefore a blog post is due and rather than posting something that I scratched up the other night when I couldn't sleep, and rather than finishing my articles for English, I will instead marvel at this concept of "Beloved Visitor."

I've had Timshel on repeat the last 3 in a half hours, the cover that my dear from Kacie Williams made. This song has weaved around my soul this past year in a half in a very significant and deep, deep way.

How rich this past year of my life has been.

I am constantly reminded of how significant stories are by those around me, by simple things, by readings, by writings. By the lives unfolding and blossoming right in front of me.

Stories blossom connectivity. They truly do. Which, as a result produces something meaningful. Something with valued meaning. And it takes route. And it grows and grows.

What if people aren't alive to their story, to their connectivity because they haven't felt it? What was there to be connected to? What was there to effect? Community is so essential. The lack of produced the feeling of not feeling connected to something larger. To something much, much deeper. There was nothing to invest. Nothing to owe ones care to.

I think we're all supposed to be awakened to this...reality, if you will. There's this unshakable mandate within a community, you know? Something so massive. And I think it is this aspect of "Beloved Visitor." What if each of us took on this role. Believed in it and just dove right in?

Beloved Visitor.

You. Are a Beloved Visitor. Let that sink in and let that take route. And let it grow. Let it flourish. And chase it with all of your might. Don't suffocate it. Embrace it and live.

It just contains so much beauty---you are beloved. And you were crafted for something far beyond comprehension. Your life is a glimpse of it. Your life is a thread of the fabric. Your life is a fraction of time spent on this earth. But you are worthy. Deeply beloved.

Why not run after it? Why not clutch onto and never stop? We are not our owns. We're not. It's that simple.

God beats this heart of mine and yours.

We are His Beloved Visitors.

Let your Being be that.

Lemons.

Every morning I wake up to the chirping of birds in the lemon tree right next to my bedroom window. Although I share my room with multiple people, I get the joy in sleeping right next to the window---where the sun, shining through the lemon tree, wakes me.

I love this tree. Especially on rainy mornings. The rain drips off the leafs and the lemons, and I go outside to pick the lemons to make lemonade. Open the balcony doors to hear the rain and turn on Bon Iver's album.

I can't quite capture the significance of this tree to me just yet.

But, I enjoy the breeze that moves it, the lemons it provides me with, and the nesting of birds in harmony.

Summer has arrived.

nothing more to it than that.

A post is long overdue, but I want my words to be precious as you glaze over them.

As music flows in the background of this coffee shop through my ears, I am trying my hardest to not retreat in my exhaustion.

How beautiful it is to know that you're exhausting yourself for something you're running after, especially alongside an army of individuals. Individuals with names, smiles, laughter, heartache, tears, character, and joy.

Part of me feels entirely insane for going back on the road, but why does our comfort lie in relaxing and not stepping over our limits and our boundaries? Who am I to step down because the work is hard and exhausting? How liberating my life has become to poor out my soul into something.

I've come to realize that I do not believe in a life lived too short. It's not tragic. Painful, but not unfortunate. What an honor it would be to know that the One who supplied you with life was awaiting your arrival. Had taken you home because the love within you was used to His glory.

Sometimes this is hard for me to remember, to cherish, and to even believe.

How patient and all encompassing is His love though. I just forget to return to it sometimes.

A lot of the times, He fills me though regardless.